Anger: After the Death of a Child

| Grief Author

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Anger: After the Death of a ChildThere are a multitude of emotions that set in after the death of a child.  I experienced all of them, but one really stands out to me:  Anger.  The word alone provides many thoughts and images.  But for many men, anger is the one emotion society allows us to have without too much “judgment”.  It’s what men do, right?  We get angry.  Unfortunately, for many grieving dads, they get stuck there because society is uncomfortable with a grown man expressing his sadness openly.  Therefore, this anger begins to fester over time and manifests itself into physical and psychological issues.

I have spoken to hundreds of grieving dads over the last couple of years that have shared with me things that have/do anger them.  The following is a list of many of the things that make them “angry”:

  • They become angry at themselves for not being able to protect their child.
  • They become angry because the life they once knew is gone.
  • They become angry at God for allowing the loss to occur.
  • They become angry because the world keeps moving after their loss, like nothing happened.  “My child has died, how can the world keep moving?”
  • They are angry at people who may have had a role in the death of their child.
  • They are angry because some people around them just want them to “get over it and get back to the old you’”.
  • They are angry because they lost control of themselves and their emotions.
  • They are angry at their employers for not understanding that their performance at work has been forever impacted and that they are not the same person as they were before.  It’s hard to care about things that just do not seem to matter.
  • They are angry because they have lost hope and can’t seem get it back.


Can you relate with any of these?  Is there anything you would like to add as far as “what makes you angry?”  Feel free to comment.


| Grief Author

Kelly Farley was caught up in the rat race of life when he experienced the loss of two babies over an 18-month period. He lost his daughter, Katie, in 2004, and son, Noah, in 2006. Like many men, during these losses and the years that followed, he felt like he was the only dad that had ever experienced such a loss....