“We share our mutual woes,
Our mutual burdens bear,
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.”
You may be asking yourself is there going to be more to abide through these holidays? Before we discuss what you need and some holiday myths, think about the answers to the following questions.
1.What has been the hardest part of this holiday season for you so far?
2.How did you handle that?
3.What do you think others expect of you with the holidays?
Nothing stays the same. Not even grief. What helps one day may not even come close to helping the next. You will be facing a lot of pressures and advice from all these helpful people who want to tell you what you should or must do. What’s worse is many times they want to tell you what you must or should be feeling! What is someone supposed to do under these conditions?
One thing is to give yourself consent to feel what you really feel and to think about what you want to think about. After all, aren’t you the boss of you?
When you hear:
We have always celebrated the holidays this way. If you feel you need to change it for this year, do it. Do not be talked into something that is too uncomfortable for you or adds extra pressure on you. Do not worry about disappointing others. This is your grief and you have to manage it the best way you can.
People tell you to get our more – it will do you some good. Hopefully you will not withdraw or isolate yourself but you can let people know that life for you right now is a matter of survival. Sometimes it is enough just to get from one hour to the next hour. Let them know you are not lonely for the company of people in general you are lonesome for your loved one.
It has been long enough now – you should be better. Let the person who says that know that it takes a long time to build a relationship and life memories with someone. It takes a long time to say good bye and it is impossible to replace a loved one. You need to take whatever time you need to heal. Healing by keeping your memories alive along with your love for your loved one while living your life in a positive manner.
Don’t you think you have talked enough about the death? Remember that grief like any other burden if shared is helped. You need to talk about it and keep talking about it until you feel the need to stop. There are two types of people. Those who will take two steps forward when they hear of someone hurting and those who take two steps back. Find those who take two steps forward. They will listen and then listen some more.
Copyright Sherry Russell 2004
Updated: December 25, 2014