The Voice in My Heart

| Grief Author

Share this:

The voice in my heart gently speaks to me. Although it’s a whisper, it’s very powerful. I recall hearing it two months into my pregnancy. I had excruciating pains and I thought I was losing my baby. However, the soothing voice in my heart told me that I had the strength to handle whatever was about to happen and to remain positive while waiting for potentially disturbing news. The ultrasound showed that I wasn’t losing my baby. Rather, I was pregnant with triplets! My three sons were born six months later. As the last baby was delivered, I knew that the voice in my heart was right.

Now, 29 years later, one of the triplets has been told by his doctor that they suspect that he has a solid tumor in his kidney. Again, I hear the voice in my heart speak to me, calming me and telling me to remain optimistic while he waits for an appointment with a surgeon. Although I feel numb, worried, and frustrated, these are normal reactions when waiting for medical results. Take for example the woman who has a routine mammogram and learns that there is a lump in her breast or the middle-aged wife and mother with a stressful job who finds out her parent may have Alzheimer’s disease. Although they may be anxious, there’s a common thread between them; they can choose to be positive. Women, who survive and thrive, utilize their strengths to cope with the nerve-wracking waiting period.

With the harsh reality that waiting for medical results brings, there is a peaceful knowing that I have the tools to manage whatever I hear and accept it. It’s the voice in my heart that makes me believe this to be true; it influences me in a positive way and sets the tone on how I deal with distress. I listen as it helps me find meaning in what is happening to my son.

The room is quiet, except for the powerful voice, which is still, a whisper. It tells me to: have a healthy approach to waiting; accept that I can’t speed things up; hold onto those things I value such as my faith; distract myself from the uncertainty by going to the gym; communicate how I feel; and lastly, not fear the unknown, as I maintain hope.

I have waited for the medical results for two weeks. Today I received a call from my son. The results showed the suspected tumor was actually blunt trauma caused by an automobile accident he was in. It will heal. Once again, I’m grateful that I listened to the voice in my heart. As a little girl, Mom would tell me to look for the silver lining. Although years have passed since I heard Mom’s voice, I can faintly hear her sentiments echo the voice in my heart.

Updated:

| Grief Author

Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS, CBC, CPBC is a nationally recognized leader in the field of compassion fatigue and coping with traumatic loss. Barbara is the author of the best-selling book, But I Didn’t Say Goodbye: Helping children and famili...