If someone had asked me twenty years ago what I thought I would be doing now, I can assure you my answer would have come nowhere close to where I am. I had not the slightest inkling that my beloved husband and parents would be taken from us so quickly, but life can take such sudden turns. One minute you can be at the peak of your joy, and the next minute it is snatched right out of your hands – no warning, no nothing, just gone. At least that’s how it was for me.
There is no denying the shock was tremendous. Loss of their physical presence turned everything upside down, but as I began to work through the shock and the grief, I became more and more aware that it was only their body that was gone. The relationships were still there. Finding that out is what made it possible for me to go on.
From this new perspective, I found it easier to let go of the pain that grief wants to impose. Eventually I realized I did not need the pain any longer. It became a hindrance and so, as much as was possible, I let it go. Surprisingly, that is when the “miracle” happened, for in that letting go I was allowed to see what I still have – indeed, what I never lost at all. That wonderful, indescribable, nurturing love we shared seemed to have expanded and resolved into a presence that now is so much a part of my awareness. In changing form, our relationships became even more. It seemed to be saying that the love we shared was just the beginning, that the best was yet to come, and all that followed would be an expansion of that love.
Time has proven that to be true. The connection – the love – was never broken. Finding that out was the beginning of a deeper understanding that has enriched my life and made it possible to find a meaning and purpose for my life so I could move forward in peace.
Updated: April 16, 2014